Dialogues with Ryanne, vlogger of the I Holla'ed Back Video:
When I posted my response to Ryanne's video, her and I both started e-mailing each other about our thoughts. we both agreed it would be a good idea to post our comments publicly, to let people see that we are both talking about this without attacking each other. For Ryanne's responses to my comments, please go to her blog
Tuesday Feb. 16th
Hey Ryanne,
I read your comment on Vox. I wrote a reply to you and was about to post it – but I thought I should send this to you personally first before posting it.
But there's still a class and race issue there, even if you or I don't want there to be. It's not about or about the number of brown and black faces in the shot, but about who is able to impose their culture norms upon others, not out of respect but out of fear.
These guys should have refrained from catcalling you out of respect. I worry that these people will do it out of fear, and that this fear will be drawn down white vs non-white lines much as it has in the past.
And where citizen journalism does its thing from a place of bringing power back to the people and righting injustices, so did Southern whites think they were doing good for their own community.
So as kenyatta tried saying in his post: how do we keep the smartmobs from becoming just mobs one day?
Thanks for being so open with putting your thoughts out there – you are so brave and I admire that your fearlessness in having people dialogue/comment on your thoughts in process. I am trying to do the same:)
Ciao for now
t
Wednesday February 16th
hey Ryanne.
I think it's a great idea to keep talking about this.
I am sorry I hurt your feelings and am I am sorry it bothered you, but your video also bothered me. I figured that you were open and brave to post your video publicly- that I too could post my comments, like your other commentators, publicly about how I felt about the video. I also felt responsible for posting my thoughts as it does give another point of view that I didn't see in your comments.
I don't think cat calling is acceptable or excusable. When I was first confronted with it, I had your exact reaction! I totally understand what you were going through. Anger Anger. But I thought although it's not acceptable, how do I not impose my values on them? And at the same time I also can't excuse their behavior. I was in a dilema because I still had to find a way to get them to stop becuase they were being sexist but I didn't want to impose my values on them either. I mean this was a serious problem for me - because I had never dealt with it before in California.
it was horrifying walking down the street and having men say "I want your Chinese pussy. Hey mama, let's make Japanese babies, hey sexy I like your ass, gimme some of that." Then they would get mad because I wouldn’t respond and they said that I must think I was too good for a black man.
My first impulse was to curse them out and tell then how sexist they were. But where would that get me? the problem was that they didn't see me as human being to respect in the way that I wanted to be respected.
my other implulse was to run away and find another back street to work or home. but that wasn't an option as other streets were not safe and were out of the way - and then that would mean I would allow them to have power over me.
So what did I do? Eventually after a month - I went up to them and confronted them and said "look, I see you everyday and we go through this everyday - it's getting tiring now. you saw the same thing and there's nothing special about what you are saying. I'm not impressed and I don't like it either. So how about next time you see me, if you want me to respond, how about you just say hello - and I will say hello back."
the guys were absolutely shocked that I went up to them and said that. From their perspective - the guys who hang out on the street or work near the street are just looking for some excitement. they just want to be acknowledged- so they just want some human interaction. Obviously their method of cat calling is unacceptable, so why not tell them another way to interact?
So I got to know every cat caller :) When I walk down Bruckner Blvd in Hunts Point-South Bronx, the auto guys know not to do cat call me because I have spoken to them and they know I work there and am part of their community. I work for their neighborhood and I take care of their kid's education. now the guys on my block in Sunset Park-Brooklyn even kept an eye out for me. I personally felt safer with them around because I knew they had my back. I saw them everyday - and they knew every person on the block. I knew I won't get mugged and I wouldn't get followed with them around. They became my personal bodyguards :) they said what's up, I said hey. That's it. there was one time, when one of the guy warned me that there was a drug war going on - and I should be careful and not come home so late for the next few weeks. and he was one of the worst cat callers in the beginning!
now that doesn't mean I don't get the occasional cat call, but my situation parallels yours where my catcallers were the same ones I saw everyday in my own neighborhood and my work. So you might as well get to know them. I think you did somewhat of the same thing - in that we both confronted our catcallers - but in your video - I think you approach wasn't as constructive b.c of the tone.
In your video you were very angry (rightfully so), but that's where the video ended also - on angry emotions and hints of future retribution. Bad things have happened to people in the past when confrontations are left at anger - which is where I felt your video left off and and then your commentators took on a mob mentality.
I felt of lot of your commentators didn't see them as human beings - calling them "morons," "assholes", and judging their work as "shitty" brick chopping, and that they didn't get an education in 6th grade on acceptable behavior. It really made me upset - b.c being a cat caller does not correlate to bad education and low levels of intelligence. The cat call itself is sexist, but it was out of line for your commentators to jump on the bandwagon of making a value judgements on the character of these 4 men - who are black - as morons and doing un-valuable work. Although those kind of comments are out of your control, as a role model and as the vlogger, you can keep those kind of people in check by calling them out on their statements.
cat calling is inexcusable. That being said, you can't excuse people for behavior that you wouldn't do. that is why your intentions of confronting them are genuine and set a great example for women.
But in dealing with it you have to recognize where they are coming from. It is acceptable out on the stoop in Bed-Stuy to cat call at girls walking by and the girls respond if they like them. It is accepted in certain cultures.
The bottom line is , there are cultural differences and that's what makes America so unique. At the same time, these differences are not always rooted in equality or ways that someone from the outside can understand. Many cultural practices have roots in sexism and patriarchy. That being said, when confronted with practices from another culture that are disagreeable, there is a difference between imposing your own values versus trying to bring about understanding of each other values.
So in understanding that it is definitely a cultural "thing," you can tell them how their actions made you feel with more understanding. You can't hold people to your own cultural standard. But you can tell them, like I did to my own cat callers, that it was not acceptable for them to treat me like that and although they may do it to others, don't do it to me.
I know you were pissed off when you did it, but it in the end it carried of tone that you had power in this camera and were going to document this situation for future punishment and revenge. Now I totally believe in empowering one's self with media - my background is in empowering youth with digital video tools, but there's a difference between documenting for purposes of empowerment/understanding vs. punishment/anger. There is a time and place for both - it's just in your situation I thought it took on the tone of the latter, and it just scared me and your viewer's comments also scared me.
Now it doesn’t mean you are not ALLOWED or shouldn’t keep cat callers in check! I think it so brave that you took a camera with you to confront them and I think more women should do it- but I don't like the tone of the overall video and the comments you made walking away that took on the tones of citizen vigilance. the key is, how can you get them to understand your perspective that cat calling is not cool? By cat calling you, treats you like an object. the goal in the confrontation is not to scare them off, but to get them see you as a human being, worthy of equal respect that is given to men. You can't change their behavior - they will cat call other women, but if you can change how they treat you - that's the start for getting them to see their own sexist behavior.
I would like to post my comments on my blog. I think we should let people see our dialogue on this already public discussion. It gives yours and my view points which I think are equally important and shows that both of us are working through our thoughts together. I don't want people to think we are enemies - I actually think it would surprise people that we can talk about this without attacking each other.
Are you ok with that?
Ok ciao for now
t
